Oorlelletje - 1 maart 2004
Sommige dingen zijn gewoon niet meer leuk, niet meer grappig. Zelf als je hele veel biertjes drinkt en nog meer niet zo helder meer bent, blijven die dingen niet leuk. Soms is het zo niet leuk, dat een heeele groottte fles met lachgas nog niet een glimlach op je gezicht kan tekenen. Nu is zo’n moment. Zo’n moment dat ik de mevrouw naast me heel hard in haar oor wil bijten.
Ik zit in de trein, ben op weg naar Amersfoort en wil eigenlijk languit op de bank liggen te dutten met een duim in mijn mond en een sliert speeksel uit mijn mondhoeken. Hard snurkend. Maar in plaats daarvan schrijf ik al mijn ongebreidelde frustratie op het beeldscherm en kijk ik af en toe heel gemeen links van me, verlekkerd naar haar oorlelletje.
Ik zit in weer eens in zo’n zeszits, zo’n cabine waarin je met je knieën tegen de ander vastgeklemd zit. Heel knus, heel gezellig. Zo’n zeszits is niet voor het gezellige zitten, maar voor de mannen en vrouwen die ’s ochtends en ’s avonds de trein gebruiken als werkplek. Met een laptop op je schoot moet je wel rechtop zitten. Daarom ook hangt er een grote sticker waarop staat: STILTE….WERKCOUPÉ!!! En een afbeelding van vinger voor de mond. Stil wezen. Kop houden. Snater dicht! Kleppen doe je maar in de open coupé. Hier wordt GEWERKT!
En het miepje naast me zit dus vreselijk te kleppen met een oudere man iets verder van mij. En dat irriteert mij zo mateloos dat ik geneigd ben om even in haar oor te bijten. Misschien geen bloed, maar toch zeker wel een tandafdruk.
Tegenover haar zit een geflipte Engelsman (dat zie ik niet alleen, dat hoorde ik toen hij telefoneerde in een STILTE COUPÉ!!!) . Hij kijkt alsof hij al vrij ver heen is en drinkt kleine slokjes uit zijn Grolsch bierblik van het formaat halve liter. Ik vermoed dat die gast geen eerste klas kaartje heeft gekocht en dat, wanneer hij wordt betrapt, hij vast wel weer zo’n engelse versie van Wir Haben Es Nicht Gewust verhaal gaat ophangen.
En hij stinkt trouwens ook.
Daarnaast zit een gast die heel onsmakelijk zijn contactlenzen in zijn oog aan het drukken is, zodat ik denk dat het weer heel prettig is in de trein. Amersfoort is in zich, gelukkig kan ik overstappen. Deze schapen worden getransporteerd naar Enschede.


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